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This reminds me of how Jill Warrick and Benedikta Harman handled their difficult upbringing; while both have the right to blame the world, one did while the other chose the better road and lived her best life.
"Benedikta and Jill are similar in that they both endured terrible trauma. Howeverr, Benedika uses her trauma as an excuse for cruelty and to hate the world.
Jill on the other hand uses her trauma as a catalyst to become stronger and better to help people who cant be helped."
This reminds me of Tachibana from After the Rain falling in love with her kind manager. Me too, in a way, in the past, but as I grew up, they were good samaritans. https://i.postimg.cc/rmG1J7V7/i.png (this picture is taken from Cat Street Chapter 21)
Everyone works differently; 9 months is pretty long and not long.
To readers out there, you're a protagonist in your own life but you have to table your efforts in your best ways. You have no regrets.